Spring Lamb

Yesterday saw us inadvertently exploring remote parts of Lincolnshire, our home county.  We took a wrong turning in the car, which is easily done in our “outback”.  Single track roads with no passing places are always entertaining when meeting the odd motorist daft enough to travel these ancient tracks and lanes.

The wonderful thing about this particular slice of  English countryside is that I am instantly taken back to my childhood days of huge, wild hedgerows and small grassy meadows; a time before the fashion for monstrous open fields became the norm.  And although it is not quite officially spring here in the UK, the world has a distinctly spring-like feel to it.  The hedgerows are itching to burst into their unkempt green spring splendour; and the birds are twittering with excitement that winter is almost over.

Like most British rural counties, Lincolnshire has its fair share of sheep, and of course, spring lambs at this time of year.  The ones in the photographs were spotted at Spridlington, close to my parents’ farm.

So it’s official in my midlife mind.  The longest, coldest UK winter we’ve had for many years is over.  And spring is here, with its snowdrops, crocuses, daffodils, lambs, birdsong; and the promise of green-ness.  What joy.

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Corinne Bailey Rae – Paris Nights / New York Mornings

I feel I’ve neglected this site just lately; the main reason being busyness and business.  I do have a couple of things lined up for it, but not quite finished.

In the meantime, I’ll share my music with you, and as I’m feeling midlife mellow today, that’s mellow, not yellow, green or blue, just plain old mellow – I’m listening to Corinne Bailey Rae.    She’s singing beautifully in the background whilst I tackle the accounts and the dreaded VAT.  Corinne Bailey Rae is just right for listening to today; here she is in a video singing Paris Nights / New York Mornings from her latest album “The Sea”.  Enjoy.

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In celebration of friendship, oh, and birthdays

This week saw yet another birthday come and go; in fact two birthdays.

The events warranted a girls’ night out of course.  It’s become something of a tradition over the years.  When one of us has a birthday, the birthday girl gets to choose the activity or restaurant for the evening, and everyone else pays for the treat. So on Wednesday evening seven of us gathered at our local Prezzo restaurant for a few hours of silliness and stuffing our faces.

The age of these lovely midlife women ranges from 46 to 57, and we’ve known one another for more than 20 years.  Initially the link between us was our children; they all went to the same kindergarten and small village primary school.  Over the years, we’ve become firm friends, and spent time together doing some amazing things.  Not too many years ago our entire families used to get together for parties at Christmas and New Year; we’d have barbecues and day trips in the summer.

Most of us have grown up children now, and jobs and businesses to attend to.  Some of us have grandchildren. There are a couple of friends who no longer join us, and there’s a couple we’ve gathered along the way.  Our lives have changed in ways that none of us could have foreseen 20 years ago; we’re also a diverse group of characters, but come what may, the bond between us has grown stronger and stronger.  These wonderful ladies are quite simply “family” to me.

The thing that prompts me to write this post is the photograph that was taken this week.  It occurred to me that there has never been a time when we’ve managed to capture on camera the entire group of us.  Either someone can’t make it to a get together or one of us is actually steering the camera.  This time we grabbed a passing waitress and asked her to take the shot.  It’s not a particularly good quality image, but we are all on there.

My wonderful midlife friends

So thank you to my wonderful midlife friends for a lovely evening on Wednesday; thank you for the flowers and gifts.  And paying for me to stuff my face.  Go grab a glass of something, and join me in making a toast – to friendship.  And long may we all be happy, healthy and here to celebrate many more birthdays.

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Midlife love this Valentines Day

It’s Valentines Day on Sunday.  Again.  That wretched life clock keeps ticking at an alarming rate, don’t you think?

So February 14^th is all about love and romance.  Supposedly.  It’s also about a huge marketing opportunity for card manufacturers, florists, restaurants, hotels and many more besides.  So how much should one spend to make a loved one feel “loved” enough?  And what on?  Call me cynical if you like, but I’m not sure I need some smart marketeer to tell me how to convey the love I have for my husband to him.

All the advertising hype also got me thinking about the use of the word “love”.  Girls say that they love their shoes; they love their clothes, and bags.  They love their work, shopping, cooking, books and on it goes.  Girls love absolutely everything that’s good in their lives.  And they love all the good stuff with huge enthusiasm.

Men, it seems, are not quite so flippant as women about the things they love, but they’re not far behind.  I’ve never heard a man say that he loves his shoes.  I do know men, however, who love golf and will say so.  I know men who openly say that they love their cars.  Maybe all the girly “loving” going on in the world is gradually rubbing off on the male half of the species little by little.

We “love” so many things these days I reckon we should try to find an alternative word or words to adequately describe the most precious feelings we have for our partner, or our children.  I might start saying “I give you my heart” next time I hang up the phone to my husband.  It’s a bit of a mouthful though; and no matter what alternatives I think of, none seem to fit the bill quite so perfectly as simply saying “I love you”.

Which brings me back to the initial question – how much should one spend on a Valentines Day gift to make someone feel “loved”?  Well, since “loving” material possessions has become so prevalent, I’m going to steer away from shop bought gifts altogether.  So I’ll be spending zero on gifts.

My husband will know that I love him when we sit down to a special Valentines Day dinner that we’ve cooked together and share a good bottle of wine, and I’ll know that he loves me when he does all the washing up afterwards.  And that’s good old-fashioned midlife love for you.  Priceless.

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Midlife woman “glutened”

Have been feeling a little off-colour this last week or so.  And then last night and today the full-on symptoms kicked in.   Good and proper.

As a midlife woman with coeliac disease ingesting gluten in any quantity at all is a big mistake.  It’s about five years now since I went through the unpleasant process of getting diagnosed, which actually was a small price to pay for the chance to feel well again.  I quite literally leapt off the floor and hugged the consultant when he told me I had coeliac disease.  I was over the moon just to know what was making me so ill.   And I learned really fast how to live with it.  It’s sometimes a nuisance; for instance eating out does have its problems, but other than that life’s a doddle once you know you have to be forever on your guard.

You see, gluten is a tricky little monster.  It has a variety of disguises and hides itself at every opportunity, as if its sole purpose is to trip you up and catch you out.   Gluten has a habit of  making you pay it the respect that it deserves.  And I do.  Constantly.

And that’s where I’ve fallen down this last week.  A local cafe owner told me about something called spelt bread, which she uses herself.  She did not, however, I now realise, during the telling of the story, explain to me if she was full-on coeliac or merely gluten intolerant.  And there is a big difference.

Anyway, I dashed off to the recommended store to hunt down said amazing loaf of spelt bread.  Now I didn’t just buy the loaf; I closely questioned a knowledgeable staff member about the ingredients and explained that it had to be gluten-free.  She disappeared to consult with the baker and his books, and returned to tell me that the yummy looking loaf in my hand was indeed gluten free and suitable for coeliacs.  Now this loaf had no food information labelling on it, as the bread is baked in-house, which was what prompted me to ask for information in the first place.

Once home with precious loaf, my daughter (who appears to be gluten-intolerant but isn’t diagnosed as such) and I couldn’t wait to slap it on the breadboard, carve off a couple of chunks and load it up with butter and strawberry jam.  I’m salivating right now just thinking about it.  God, it was delicious.  For someone who has been searching for an adequate substitute for good old-fashioned bread for the last five years,  I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.

Because I’ve got so used to not having bread on a daily basis, the loaf lasted a while.  I went for a couple of days and had none at all.  At the weekend I popped into the same supermarket and picked up another uncut one.  And yesterday lunchtime, I sat down to a plateful of my favourite lunchtime snack – beans on toast, with two thick chunky slices of the lovely stuff.

Amazing.  The aftermath was horrific.  Obviously a gluten overload.  Checking on the internet it appears that spelt is an ancient form of wheat, different from modern wheat in that it hasn’t been messed about with!  And it also seems that some people who are gluten intolerant can actually tolerate the gluten in spelt bread.  It is not, however, suitable for coeliacs under any circumstances.

Right now I hate myself for being so bloody stupid.  The internet is a fantastic source of information and one I use all the time.  Why didn’t I check this out?  Maybe I really, really wanted to think I’d finally found some marvellous tasty sandwich material.  I now realise that if spelt bread was OK for coeliacs it would be widely advertised as such and it’s not.  Although several big players in food retail have made this mistake apparently.  No excuse though.  Food manufacturers should know that they are playing with people’s health and lives.  And mine’s been messed up big time this week.  I feel like shit right now.

There’s a series of emails on their way to this particular food retailer as I’m writing, requesting that they sort out their labelling on store baked goods, and asking them to train their staff more efficiently and accurately regarding food allergies and intolerances etc.

Moral learned today: If you have a potentially serious health issue, do not take other people’s advice without first checking it out.  Big Mistake.

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Winter boots for less than perfect midlife feet

For months I have been searching for a new pair of boots.

I own various pairs of boots, but have one particular favourite pair.  They are around five years old and decidedly tatty looking to be honest.  But God, are they comfortable.  And this is the pair I’ve been hoping to replace.

Being a midlife woman, my feet are less than perfect; after all they’re suffering from five decades of wear and tear.  You know the sort of thing – chilblains; deformed toes.  Now, I do have boots with heels and I do have knee high soft buttery leather flat boots, but whilst shopping for the new replacement boots I had some specifics in mind, and all the boxes had to be ticked for me to make a purchase.  They had to be flat (otherwise I tower above everyone else), leather, pointy toed ankle boots with a non slip sole (not wanting to break a hip at my age), accommodating two pairs of socks (I suffer from cold feet) and they needed to fit snugly underneath skinny jeans, which I tend to live in.

What a mission.  Obviously fashion dictates to a huge extent the style of boots in the shops each winter, and this year’s ranges just didn’t fit the bill at all.  I had almost given up hope and resigned myself to sticking with my old faithfuls till next winter.

Today, however, I found just the pair.  I think.  Well, I’ve bought them.  They seem pretty comfy, but I won’t know that for sure until I’ve properly test-driven them for several miles and a couple of midlife months.

So, here they are.  Flat, black, leather, pointy toed, non slip soles, wide enough to take two pairs of socks, and snug around the ankle.  Bonus for me – they’ve got a generous helping of studs, straps and buckles.  I know they’re a tad too shiny; give me a couple of weeks and they’ll look all beautifully battered and lived-in.

And where did I find these marvellous boots?  In a shoe shop at Meadowhall.  And the make?  Bronx.  I’m also delighted to say that they were in the sale, reduced from £80 to £40.  Winner.

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Well, Yes, Sex Is Good For Your Health

An American couple recently resolved to have sex every day throughout December in an effort to curb their vices – his was cigarettes, hers was chocolate.  (Pull the other one!)  And it seems that it worked, in more ways than one.  The couple did indeed find that their cravings were reduced, but in addition they also felt healthier, slept better, and avoided the horrible winter viruses that normally affect them.  The results have been so successful that they are aiming to continue their “mission” into January.  I bet they are, and I suspect there are a good number of additional motives that they’re not mentioning.

I reckon that it would be an absolute doddle to keep this one up, don’t you, whether you’re young, middle aged or old, especially when you consider the lengthy list of possible benefits below.  Christ, sex cures all ills apparently.  So here we go – sexual activity -

1. Helps you live longer
2. Lowers your risk of heart disease and stroke if you have sex twice a week or more
3. Reduces your risk of breast cancer
4. Bolsters your immune system
5. Helps you sleep
6. Makes you appear more youthful
7. Improves your fitness
8. Helps protect against endometriosis
9. Enhances fertility
10. Regulates menstrual cycles
11. Relieves menstrual cramps
12. Helps carry a pregnancy to full term
13. Relieves chronic pain
14. Helps reduce migraine headache pain in some individuals
15. Improves quality of life
16. Reduces the risk of depression
17. Lowers stress levels
18. Improves self esteem
19. Improves intimacy with your partner
20. Helps you grow spiritually  (What … ?)

Could it be then, that more of us should be including sex in our list of New Year resolutions?  I think so, but not just because of the personal health improvement element; that would make it a bit of a chore, like going to the gym.  It should be included simply for the pure pleasure element in my view.  The rest is a bonus.

It does occur to this midlife writer though – what if sex becomes an addiction, with all this increased activity, pleasure and benefits?  Would that mean that next New Year I’d have yet another midlife addiction to resolve to fix, as well as my current addictions to cigarettes, alcohol and Millionaire’s Flapjack?  God, I might as well book myself into rehab right now.

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Winter balm for chapped lips

The winter weather is playing havoc with my midlife skin, and in particular with my lips.  They are so bloody sore and look something like this:

I have a bathroom cabinet full of possible cures, but none seem to be working efficiently, regardless of how many times a day I apply them.

There’s nothing for it then; I require a balaclava.  This particular mode of headwear is named after the town of Balaclava in Crimea (now Ukraine) and was originally worn by Russian soldiers.  It’s a sort of sock for your head that doubles up as a hat and a scarf.  They are wonderfully warm and popular with skiers, climbers and all outdoorsy types in cold climates.

I have no desire, however, to look like a dodgy criminal when I pop into Tesco, or to set off any alarm bells at my local Barclays branch, so I may have to get my knitting needles out, as the only ones I can find are black or very dark in colour.

This is what I’m aiming for as a cure for my chapped lips; I’ll keep you posted when I find a decent pattern:

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New Year Resolutions

It’s that time of year again when people are harping on about how they’re resolving to improve themselves and their lives in 2010.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Self-improvement is always a good thing.  And this particular New Year could quite easily be seen as a crucial time for personal commitment to major changes or doing something amazing; after all it is the start of a whole new decade.

Just browsing through magazines, and on the internet over the last few days, it occurs to me that many of us are likely to set ourselves unattainable targets and unrealistic goals this New Year based on what it is we think we should be trying to achieve, as dictated to us by random spoon-fed information. It also occurs to me that most of us will be setting ourselves up for a fall.  And consequent disappointment.  And ultimately feeling rubbish about ourselves.

I’m a real sucker myself for information and advice on “how to …”.  I’ve soaked up entire libraries of it over the years.  I’ve implemented some; completely dismissed most of it.  There’s no shortage of techniques one can use to achieve great things, and I don’t doubt that they will all work in their own way for different people.  Visualisation is a popular theory and if applied religiously we will get exactly what we desire.  Apparently.  This New Year I’m going to utilise fantasising, dreaming, visualisation, and developing myself a positive mantra or two, to achieve incredible things.  I reckon if I work hard enough at this then that so far elusive date with the beautiful Jude Law will actually happen.  No, not a word please … Anything is possible.  You know that.

The beautiful Jude Law

I shall also be exercising determination (that’s realistic?) in my quest to stop smoking.  I can actually visualise myself as a non-smoker as I did manage to abstain for a full three years before starting again.  This to me is a realistic goal, although there is no point in my taking advantage of the many expensive aids available to achieve a smoke-free existence, as they’ve all fallen by the wayside in previous attempts.  Point is – how much do I want to give up smoking?  Very much.  And that’s the key that will ultimately unlock the “non smoker” box for me.  How badly do I want to spend time with Jude Law?  God, that would be amazing.  But it’s not going to happen.  That bloody Sienna Miller is back in the frame now.   Be realistic Sooz, and slot in another DVD.

Getting fit absolutely has to be on my list this year.  I’m no longer a spring chicken; a midlife woman to be honest, and know that I have to work at it these days, but there’s no way I’m going to saddle myself with the obligatory gym membership.  I know that I’d start off with the best of intentions but then fail to find the time further down the line.  It’ll have to be option #2 – we’ll buy a treadmill and install it in the garage, because I know that I would definitely go for a trot in my ‘jamas at 6am before anyone else is awake.

Another resolution of mine is to spend more time with my friends, and be better at staying in touch with people. (Hold tight Bernadette, I know I’ve not replied to your recent letter; I’m not going to – I’m coming to visit you instead.)

The goals and targets I set myself for 2010 will stretch me, and at the same time they will be achievable (but not too easy), otherwise the whole exercise would be pointless.  I’ll have a few specifics.  Like breaking my current addiction to Millionaire’s Flapjack.  Mostly, though, I’m aiming to go for the general theories outlined below, all to do with ongoing development and attitude as I’m really not in favour of torturing myself unnecessarily.  Self-flagellation does not float my boat.

TEN SIMPLE TRUTHS THAT LEAD TO AN AMAZING LIFE:

1.  Say Yes to Stress

“An amazing life requires resilience.”

2.  If Not Now, When?

“An amazing life requires living in the moment.”

3.  The Light at the End of the Tunnel

“An amazing life requires optimism.”

4.  It Is What It Is

“An amazing life requires acceptance.”

5.  Laugh It Up!

“An amazing life requires humour.”

6.  Put a Spin on It

“An amazing life requires creativity.”

7.  Too Much of a Good Thing Can Be Too Much

“An amazing life requires moderation.”

8.  Just Show Up

“An amazing life requires responsibility.”

9.  But What Does It All Mean?

“An amazing life requires meaning.”

10.  Join The Party!

“An amazing life requires connection.”

These ten simple truths are the basis of one of the best books I’ve ever read –

“Life Is Short – Wear Your Party Pants”  by Loretta Laroche

Loretta Laroche's "Life Is Short, Wear Your Party Pants"

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Cure for a waggling tongue

- What do you do with your tongue when you’re at the dentist?

- What do you mean – what do I do with my tongue when I’m at the dentist?

- Well, the dentist always tells me off because my tongue waggles about.  How do you stop it waggling and getting in the way?

- Oh, I just take mine out and put it in my pocket.

- Mum, you are such an idiot!

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