In celebration of friendship, oh, and birthdays

This week saw yet another birthday come and go; in fact two birthdays.

The events warranted a girls’ night out of course.  It’s become something of a tradition over the years.  When one of us has a birthday, the birthday girl gets to choose the activity or restaurant for the evening, and everyone else pays for the treat. So on Wednesday evening seven of us gathered at our local Prezzo restaurant for a few hours of silliness and stuffing our faces.

The age of these lovely midlife women ranges from 46 to 57, and we’ve known one another for more than 20 years.  Initially the link between us was our children; they all went to the same kindergarten and small village primary school.  Over the years, we’ve become firm friends, and spent time together doing some amazing things.  Not too many years ago our entire families used to get together for parties at Christmas and New Year; we’d have barbecues and day trips in the summer.

Most of us have grown up children now, and jobs and businesses to attend to.  Some of us have grandchildren. There are a couple of friends who no longer join us, and there’s a couple we’ve gathered along the way.  Our lives have changed in ways that none of us could have foreseen 20 years ago; we’re also a diverse group of characters, but come what may, the bond between us has grown stronger and stronger.  These wonderful ladies are quite simply “family” to me.

The thing that prompts me to write this post is the photograph that was taken this week.  It occurred to me that there has never been a time when we’ve managed to capture on camera the entire group of us.  Either someone can’t make it to a get together or one of us is actually steering the camera.  This time we grabbed a passing waitress and asked her to take the shot.  It’s not a particularly good quality image, but we are all on there.

My wonderful midlife friends

So thank you to my wonderful midlife friends for a lovely evening on Wednesday; thank you for the flowers and gifts.  And paying for me to stuff my face.  Go grab a glass of something, and join me in making a toast – to friendship.  And long may we all be happy, healthy and here to celebrate many more birthdays.

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Midlife expectations too high?

Fred has always been a legend in my eyes; his restaurant is legendary too in our area.

We’ve been eating there for more than 30 years on and off.  And last night’s visit was a bit special for us, because we took our two daughters along with us for the first time to celebrate my birthday.  I know, I know, I’m also not sure why they’ve never been with us before to this amazing restaurant; they’ve been almost everywhere else we’ve ever frequented.

The same staff have served us all these years; Fred is obviously a very nice guy to work for.  Decor is attractive; food is excellent.  Well, usually.  But not last night.  Out of the four meals we ordered, three were deemed to be less than great.  What a disappointment.  Gutted.  Girls are now wondering why we kept harping on about Fred’s for all those years.

Well, we’ll not be harping on about it any more.  We do eat out quite often; we like good food.  It occurs to me this morning, however, that maybe our midlife expectations are set a little too high, bearing in mind that we are in the middle of a recession.  Perhaps restaurants are having to cut corners a little or a lot just to survive.

On the other hand though, surely a recession is precisely the time to go the extra mile, and satisfy customers’ expectations.  And more besides.  I’m sure we are no different from most other families in that we expect value for our hard-earned money, and only the best will do.  It’s not as if a birthday meal can be repeated the following night, now can it?

Did you voice your opinion, I hear you ask.  No, we did not.  Normally we would have, but Fred himself was absent.  He’s gone overseas to visit family.  We will, however, make an effort to chat to him once he’s back from his travels.  And will we give Fred the opportunity of having another bite of our eating out budget?  Probably, but not for a while.  Will I lower my midlife expectations?  I don’t think so.  Unfortunately for Fred, we live in a world where nothing is indispensable – and there are plenty more restaurants where Fred’s came from.

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Midlife love this Valentines Day

It’s Valentines Day on Sunday.  Again.  That wretched life clock keeps ticking at an alarming rate, don’t you think?

So February 14^th is all about love and romance.  Supposedly.  It’s also about a huge marketing opportunity for card manufacturers, florists, restaurants, hotels and many more besides.  So how much should one spend to make a loved one feel “loved” enough?  And what on?  Call me cynical if you like, but I’m not sure I need some smart marketeer to tell me how to convey the love I have for my husband to him.

All the advertising hype also got me thinking about the use of the word “love”.  Girls say that they love their shoes; they love their clothes, and bags.  They love their work, shopping, cooking, books and on it goes.  Girls love absolutely everything that’s good in their lives.  And they love all the good stuff with huge enthusiasm.

Men, it seems, are not quite so flippant as women about the things they love, but they’re not far behind.  I’ve never heard a man say that he loves his shoes.  I do know men, however, who love golf and will say so.  I know men who openly say that they love their cars.  Maybe all the girly “loving” going on in the world is gradually rubbing off on the male half of the species little by little.

We “love” so many things these days I reckon we should try to find an alternative word or words to adequately describe the most precious feelings we have for our partner, or our children.  I might start saying “I give you my heart” next time I hang up the phone to my husband.  It’s a bit of a mouthful though; and no matter what alternatives I think of, none seem to fit the bill quite so perfectly as simply saying “I love you”.

Which brings me back to the initial question – how much should one spend on a Valentines Day gift to make someone feel “loved”?  Well, since “loving” material possessions has become so prevalent, I’m going to steer away from shop bought gifts altogether.  So I’ll be spending zero on gifts.

My husband will know that I love him when we sit down to a special Valentines Day dinner that we’ve cooked together and share a good bottle of wine, and I’ll know that he loves me when he does all the washing up afterwards.  And that’s good old-fashioned midlife love for you.  Priceless.

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Human hot water bottles on offer

International hotel chain Holiday Inn is offering a trial human bed-warming service at three hotels in Britain this month. The “innovative” service is being provided as a response to the UK’s recent prolonged spell of cold weather.

If requested, a willing member of staff at two of the chain’s London hotels and one in Manchester will dress in an all-in-one fleece sleeper suit before slipping between the sheets, to act as a giant hot water bottle.

The bed-warmer is equipped with a thermometer to measure the bed’s required temperature of 20 degrees Celsius (68 Fahrenheit).  The human hot water bottle would be fully dressed and leave the bed before the guest occupied it. Holiday Inn could not confirm if the bed warmer would shower first, but his or her hair would be covered apparently.

What?  Who in their right mind would use this service?  What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned ordinary hot water bottle?  Or an electric blanket?   And is there no central heating in these Holiday Inns?

Perhaps this service is aimed at midlife people like myself who really feel the cold; folk with poor circulation and chilblains.  Maybe it’s designed for business men and women who come in very late from meetings to find that the hotel’s heating thermostat has clicked to “off”.  Perhaps I can just about stretch to thinking that a bed warming service could be helpful to thaw out late night ice swimmers.  But then surely someone participating in such an activity would head straight for a hot shower.  Wouldn’t they?

I’m thinking that timing would have to be crucial too.  And things don’t necessarily run to schedule when one is away from home, do they?  Even the best laid plans can be blown asunder if one can’t find a taxi, or a train is delayed.  A warm bed booked for 10.30pm would be stone cold by 11pm.  And what if the human hot water bottle inadvertently falls asleep, as one is apt to do in bed?  Imagine returning to a darkened hotel room to find a fleece-wrapped stranger wearing a clinical hairnet getting some much needed shut-eye.  God, the mind boggles.  What would you do?  Wake the warmer up with a good shake and shoo him or her out the door?  Or stomp about a bit and put the telly on?

The thought of a random stranger snuggling down in my clean, fresh cotton bed sheets minutes before I climb into them quite frankly makes my skin crawl.  It’s bad enough staying in a hotel and not knowing who has used the bed the night before, but to think of a hot body thrashing about on MY sheets is just too much.  And think of the creases this body would leave behind.  Pristine ruined.

No.  This midlife crackpot feels that Holiday Inn bosses are after herding in weirdos and perverts to boost customer throughput.  And I can imagine that there’ll be no shortage of takers for this crazy, not to be missed, red hot offer.

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Well, Yes, Sex Is Good For Your Health

An American couple recently resolved to have sex every day throughout December in an effort to curb their vices – his was cigarettes, hers was chocolate.  (Pull the other one!)  And it seems that it worked, in more ways than one.  The couple did indeed find that their cravings were reduced, but in addition they also felt healthier, slept better, and avoided the horrible winter viruses that normally affect them.  The results have been so successful that they are aiming to continue their “mission” into January.  I bet they are, and I suspect there are a good number of additional motives that they’re not mentioning.

I reckon that it would be an absolute doddle to keep this one up, don’t you, whether you’re young, middle aged or old, especially when you consider the lengthy list of possible benefits below.  Christ, sex cures all ills apparently.  So here we go – sexual activity -

1. Helps you live longer
2. Lowers your risk of heart disease and stroke if you have sex twice a week or more
3. Reduces your risk of breast cancer
4. Bolsters your immune system
5. Helps you sleep
6. Makes you appear more youthful
7. Improves your fitness
8. Helps protect against endometriosis
9. Enhances fertility
10. Regulates menstrual cycles
11. Relieves menstrual cramps
12. Helps carry a pregnancy to full term
13. Relieves chronic pain
14. Helps reduce migraine headache pain in some individuals
15. Improves quality of life
16. Reduces the risk of depression
17. Lowers stress levels
18. Improves self esteem
19. Improves intimacy with your partner
20. Helps you grow spiritually  (What … ?)

Could it be then, that more of us should be including sex in our list of New Year resolutions?  I think so, but not just because of the personal health improvement element; that would make it a bit of a chore, like going to the gym.  It should be included simply for the pure pleasure element in my view.  The rest is a bonus.

It does occur to this midlife writer though – what if sex becomes an addiction, with all this increased activity, pleasure and benefits?  Would that mean that next New Year I’d have yet another midlife addiction to resolve to fix, as well as my current addictions to cigarettes, alcohol and Millionaire’s Flapjack?  God, I might as well book myself into rehab right now.

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Winter balm for chapped lips

The winter weather is playing havoc with my midlife skin, and in particular with my lips.  They are so bloody sore and look something like this:

I have a bathroom cabinet full of possible cures, but none seem to be working efficiently, regardless of how many times a day I apply them.

There’s nothing for it then; I require a balaclava.  This particular mode of headwear is named after the town of Balaclava in Crimea (now Ukraine) and was originally worn by Russian soldiers.  It’s a sort of sock for your head that doubles up as a hat and a scarf.  They are wonderfully warm and popular with skiers, climbers and all outdoorsy types in cold climates.

I have no desire, however, to look like a dodgy criminal when I pop into Tesco, or to set off any alarm bells at my local Barclays branch, so I may have to get my knitting needles out, as the only ones I can find are black or very dark in colour.

This is what I’m aiming for as a cure for my chapped lips; I’ll keep you posted when I find a decent pattern:

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Ice Swimming for Chinese Pensioners

Oddly enough, as UK inhabitants shiver in the freezing winter weather, there is a group of middle aged and older people in Harbin, China, who embrace the cold and go ice swimming, claiming that it is good for their health. Brrrrr…!

That wouldn’t do for this midlife writer – I’d probably have a heart attack on hitting the water.  I also have a feeling that this activity would not be allowed to take place in the UK, because of the health and safety risks.  Check out the solid ice they are all trotting about on.  No, it wouldn’t happen here!  This video is a small sample of “cold” clips courtesy of Yahoo News.

more about “Ice Swimming for Chinese Pensioners -…“, posted with vodpod

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I’ve never shagged an Eskimo before

“I’ve never shagged an Eskimo before.”

“I’ve never shagged a Mexican before.”

Recent bedtime conversation between a poorly, cold-ridden midlife couple.  She was shaking and shivering with cold; he was burning up.

Mind ramblings: Why do we automatically think that Eskimos are cold people just because they live in an icy environment?  I bet they sweat cobs under all those layers of clothing and animal skins.  Same thinking applies to inhabitants of Mexico – is it the warm climate or is it the spicy chilli based food that conjures up “hot people” images?

I have no idea.  Need some medicine though to restore normal body temperature.  Otherwise my brain will probably explode.

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New Year Resolutions

It’s that time of year again when people are harping on about how they’re resolving to improve themselves and their lives in 2010.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Self-improvement is always a good thing.  And this particular New Year could quite easily be seen as a crucial time for personal commitment to major changes or doing something amazing; after all it is the start of a whole new decade.

Just browsing through magazines, and on the internet over the last few days, it occurs to me that many of us are likely to set ourselves unattainable targets and unrealistic goals this New Year based on what it is we think we should be trying to achieve, as dictated to us by random spoon-fed information. It also occurs to me that most of us will be setting ourselves up for a fall.  And consequent disappointment.  And ultimately feeling rubbish about ourselves.

I’m a real sucker myself for information and advice on “how to …”.  I’ve soaked up entire libraries of it over the years.  I’ve implemented some; completely dismissed most of it.  There’s no shortage of techniques one can use to achieve great things, and I don’t doubt that they will all work in their own way for different people.  Visualisation is a popular theory and if applied religiously we will get exactly what we desire.  Apparently.  This New Year I’m going to utilise fantasising, dreaming, visualisation, and developing myself a positive mantra or two, to achieve incredible things.  I reckon if I work hard enough at this then that so far elusive date with the beautiful Jude Law will actually happen.  No, not a word please … Anything is possible.  You know that.

The beautiful Jude Law

I shall also be exercising determination (that’s realistic?) in my quest to stop smoking.  I can actually visualise myself as a non-smoker as I did manage to abstain for a full three years before starting again.  This to me is a realistic goal, although there is no point in my taking advantage of the many expensive aids available to achieve a smoke-free existence, as they’ve all fallen by the wayside in previous attempts.  Point is – how much do I want to give up smoking?  Very much.  And that’s the key that will ultimately unlock the “non smoker” box for me.  How badly do I want to spend time with Jude Law?  God, that would be amazing.  But it’s not going to happen.  That bloody Sienna Miller is back in the frame now.   Be realistic Sooz, and slot in another DVD.

Getting fit absolutely has to be on my list this year.  I’m no longer a spring chicken; a midlife woman to be honest, and know that I have to work at it these days, but there’s no way I’m going to saddle myself with the obligatory gym membership.  I know that I’d start off with the best of intentions but then fail to find the time further down the line.  It’ll have to be option #2 – we’ll buy a treadmill and install it in the garage, because I know that I would definitely go for a trot in my ‘jamas at 6am before anyone else is awake.

Another resolution of mine is to spend more time with my friends, and be better at staying in touch with people. (Hold tight Bernadette, I know I’ve not replied to your recent letter; I’m not going to – I’m coming to visit you instead.)

The goals and targets I set myself for 2010 will stretch me, and at the same time they will be achievable (but not too easy), otherwise the whole exercise would be pointless.  I’ll have a few specifics.  Like breaking my current addiction to Millionaire’s Flapjack.  Mostly, though, I’m aiming to go for the general theories outlined below, all to do with ongoing development and attitude as I’m really not in favour of torturing myself unnecessarily.  Self-flagellation does not float my boat.

TEN SIMPLE TRUTHS THAT LEAD TO AN AMAZING LIFE:

1.  Say Yes to Stress

“An amazing life requires resilience.”

2.  If Not Now, When?

“An amazing life requires living in the moment.”

3.  The Light at the End of the Tunnel

“An amazing life requires optimism.”

4.  It Is What It Is

“An amazing life requires acceptance.”

5.  Laugh It Up!

“An amazing life requires humour.”

6.  Put a Spin on It

“An amazing life requires creativity.”

7.  Too Much of a Good Thing Can Be Too Much

“An amazing life requires moderation.”

8.  Just Show Up

“An amazing life requires responsibility.”

9.  But What Does It All Mean?

“An amazing life requires meaning.”

10.  Join The Party!

“An amazing life requires connection.”

These ten simple truths are the basis of one of the best books I’ve ever read –

“Life Is Short – Wear Your Party Pants”  by Loretta Laroche

Loretta Laroche's "Life Is Short, Wear Your Party Pants"

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Cure for a waggling tongue

- What do you do with your tongue when you’re at the dentist?

- What do you mean – what do I do with my tongue when I’m at the dentist?

- Well, the dentist always tells me off because my tongue waggles about.  How do you stop it waggling and getting in the way?

- Oh, I just take mine out and put it in my pocket.

- Mum, you are such an idiot!

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