Flying the Nest

Flying the Nest, posted with vodpod

As thousands of young people prepare to fly the nest for university this week, a new study by Endsleigh, has revealed an emerging generation of internet-savvy students and midlife parents is significantly changing the way families are now keeping in touch.

According to the study, parents rely heavily on social media platforms like Facebook to keep tabs on their children once they’ve left home, with 75% admitting to regularly checking their profiles to see what they’ve been up to. However interestingly, only 36% of the 18-25 year olds surveyed are actually friends with their parents on Facebook and almost three quarters (72%) deliberately choose not to be as they do not want their parents seeing personal pictures and messages.

The study also shows that 72% of 18-25 year olds who have left home now use the internet to communicate with their parents – 36% via email, 23% use social media and 13% Skype.  Mobile phones are almost as popular to keep in touch, with 70% using their handsets to call home and 60% to send text messages to their parents.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, only 7% of young people use post to keep in touch with their parents, which has reduced considerably from previous generations – 25% of 45+ year old midlife parents surveyed in the same study used post to stay in touch with their parents when they first left home.

When it comes to working out how to do basic household tasks, young people are becoming increasingly independent and self-reliant, with 44% of 18-25 year olds choosing to use self-help websites such as YouTube or VideoJug to find out how to boil an egg, work a washing machine or iron a shirt, compared to only 20% contacting home.

However despite the rise in usage of the internet and social media, young people are getting more homesick than ever – 62% of the 18-25 years surveyed confessed to missing home when they first left, compared to 55% of the 45+ year olds who were asked the same question about when they first left home.

Young people still need the emotional support of parents, with 67% confessing that the main reason they contact home is for a general catch up. Surprisingly, only 13% of the young people surveyed contact home to ask for money.

Commenting on the findings, Relationship Expert Christine Webber said: “These days parents are becoming less anxious about their kids flying the nest as there are so many different ways to keep in touch, but they must be careful not to invade their privacy by checking up on them too much. However it seems nothing can replace the comfort of the human voice, which is why so many students still need to ring home for a regular catch up.”

Aaron Porter, NUS President, added, “Students are becoming increasingly self-reliant and their faithful laptop has played a massive role in this, almost becoming a surrogate parent as they use it to keep in touch, share information and find out how to do things. However, parents can still play an important role by ensuring that things like anti-virus software and insurance is covered. Many students would feel as if they had lost their right arm if their laptop was lost or stolen so setting up insurance means one less thing to worry about.”

Endsleigh’s student possession report published last month revealed that every student surveyed returning to university for the start of the new term will be taking either a laptop (94%) or a desktop computer (6%) with them. The same study also showed that today’s students carry over £1,300 worth of goods on them on their person around town and campus.

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Would I parent in the same way if I was given the chance to do it all over again?

So, would I parent in the same way if I was given the chance to do it all over again?  Hmmm  ..  now let me think.  This follows on from yesterday’s post below, if anyone’s wondering.

Musical instrument classes?  Yes I’d pay for those again.  Why?  Because the sense of achievement and pride the girls gained from mastering an instrument was huge.  It also enabled them to play in church festivals at primary school and in the orchestra at senior school, all of which they enjoyed.  Do either of them play an instrument now?  No, they do not.  So what was the long term point of learning I hear you ask.  They understand the effort involved, and know that they applied themselves and achieved.  They can take that experience and belief in themselves and apply it to other areas of their lives as adults.

Dance classes?  Yes I’d pay for those again.  Why?  Again for their sense of joy and  pleasure in taking part in dance festivals and displays.  Do either of them dance now?  Socially – all the time like most young people.  In classes?  Our younger daughter danced until she was 16, and then did tap dancing classes whilst at university recently but the cost prevented her from continuing.  Now that she’s graduated she says that she will probably take up dancing again.  Elder daughter enjoyed the gymnastics classes the most – suited her athletic approach to life, and she gave up dance at 12 to pursue sport.

Drama classes?  Yes, I’d pay for those again.  Younger daughter did these for a number of years.  She thoroughly enjoyed them.  I’d say that these classes provided an outlet for her creativity on stage, and taught her to channel her enthusiastic energy for life.  She still is a drama queen to be honest.

Badminton classes?  Yes I’d pay for those again.  Elder daughter benefited hugely from taking part in sporting activities both in school and outside of school.  She gained in confidence, and played badminton at county level for two years.  She still plays the game now.

Swimming lessons?   Yes I’d pay for those again.  Both girls are very good swimmers.  We took them both swimming weekly from being babies, feeling that they should be able to swim for their own safety.  They learned quickly, loved it, and joined a local swimming club.

Rainbows and Brownies?   Yes I’d do that again.  They gained so much from the weekly meetings about teamwork, friendship, group activities, creative activities and much more.  I learned a lot too as I used to help out at the weekly meetings.

We used to take the occasional horse-riding lesson or two; both girls played golf with their father, and as a family we used to do many other fun activities, mostly outdoor things like cycling and walking.  None of these would I change or have my family miss out on.

So it looks as if I’d still run myself ragged to meet a hectic weekly schedule if I had my time over again.  There are other things, however, that this midlife mother would change, and this is where the hindsight comes in.

I remember being quite ambitious for my children; I can recall encouraging them in all things.  I wanted them to be good at stuff so that they would feel great about themselves.  And they were good at almost everything they did.  But being good at something does not guarantee that they will continue with it or develop it further.  Our elder daughter did very well at school and could have been anything she wanted to be.  She chose to be a horticulturalist.  She’s an exceptionally good horticulturalist too, loving what she does. And now, with hindsight, I can see that it wouldn’t matter what she had chosen to do, so long as it was something she really wanted to do she would be good at it.

Our younger daughter has just graduated from university and is now undertaking a Masters course.  She’s hoping to lecture at university in the future.  To be absolutely honest I could never have seen that one coming.

In conclusion then maybe I’d tone down my ambition for them if I had my time again.  I’d ease up on myself too and take a much more relaxed approach, because ultimately all a parent can do is give kids the best opportunities available, a range of interests, sports and hobbies to participate in and grow their confidence, and then sit back and watch this space really.  Things never turn out quite how you expect them to, do they?

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